Some Wounds Never Heal

Just when I thought I had forgotten her and felt like I was able to move on from that chapter of my life she appeared. I wonder why she came to the library. The girl's got guts, I'll giver her that. When she came in Saturday the look on my face was one of total shock. The look on her face was one of fear (ironically, it's the same one she uses around my mom). Her face seemed to ask,"Is it all right that I'm here?" It also kind of said,"I really don't care if it's all right or not." Well, it is a PUBLIC library and I have no business saying who can enter the doors and who can't, but why on earth would she come at a time when she knew I'd be there? She had two kids on each hand. I guess that was supposed to be her excuse for coming in: to get books for the kids. Her dad keeps me informed (yeah, like I really care) about the goings on of their family and they're having a bunch of company right now.
She came up to me to check out when she could've easily gone to someone else. "Hi," she said.
"Hi. How's school?" I tried not to smile. I tried to be cold and unfriendly. I couldn't do it.
"It's okay. I brought home my roommate from [I can't remember where she's from now, some other country]"
"Yeah, your dad told me you were gonna have a house full."
That was pretty much the extent of our conversation. We both said,"Bye," and that was it. After she left I grabbed a handful of books and headed off to the stacks and cried.
I hate it so much. It hurts. I want to be friends again. I want everything to be the same. I miss her SO much. She was the best friend I've ever had. Why does it have to be like this?