Bogus Aptitude Test

I did this today cuz I was bored. Don't worry. I didn't send it in. But wouldn't it have been funny if I did?


General Information About You:*Name: Mrs. Jospeh Dunsworth
378879024 Happy St. ,Johnsonpop, Texas
*Education: Some High School High
*Your Occupation: cat-licker/dog-biter



Part 1
A young person would not use the formal style and the same vocabulary as an adult might, when speaking. Answer the questions as you imagine a young person would, and give each imaginary speaker an age.

Question: What kinds of books do you like best? Age: 7
I like books that smell good. Lemon-scented, especially. I lick them all the time. Mommy won't take me to the library anymore because she said that I will get a disease from licking books and die.

Question: If you could be any animal, what kind would you be?Age: 4
I would be a walrus because they are very big and they look freaky. I would also want to be a hotdog. Because I really like hotdogs. I eat them for breakfast every day. I never even have to cook them because they smell bad when you burn them.

Part 2
Show us your feeling for words. By filling in the blanks in the paragraph below with your own word choices, you can make it sound like almost anything you want. You might treat it as a mystery or a nature story, happy or sad, for adults or children, all based simply on the words you choose. There is no "correct" answer to this section; we are simply interested in seeing how you choose to handle it.
Johnny gazed across the purple giraffe waters of the trembling sea now in the dark glowy evening sunshine. He searched the shorelines for sight of the lovely little duck's canoe,hoping to see it glide into view before the sun set behind the great big ugly forest.He could hear his stupid sister in the kitchen of the house over there.

Part 3
In a brief paragraph, tell us why you are interested in writing. How long have you had this interest?
I am interested in writing because I like to write and I think that I would be an awesome writer. Yes, indeedy! I smell good, too. Except when I forget to bathe or neglect to change my Depends, but you don't have to worry about that, because I never leave my attic. I live up there with my 11 cats and 12 goldfish and 7 rats and the 3 dead children I stole from the graveyard. They don't smell too fresh, but we have a jolly time, anyway. They are my main inspiration. I call them A, B, and (you'll never guess this one) Q. Thank you for your time. I do so hope that you will accept me into your gracious arms and nurture my abilities so that I will be able to afford to send A, B, and Q off to college in Swiss Man's Dead Arm's Town.

Part 4
In about 250 to 500 words, tell us about an experience from your childhood. It can be important, or amusing, or anything you feel might be interesting. If you do not wish to write about your childhood, write about anything you think would be of interest to a young reader. (No poetry, please.)
We will be looking for originality, style, and your aptitude for conveying ideas. Perfect grammar and punctuation are not our main concerns at this point.
Suggestion: Outline your idea, and write the first draft on a separate piece of paper, then copy your final draft in the space provided.

Finally, please give your composition a title.
Title: The Cat That Said Hi
Once when I was a kid. I had a cat. The cat said hi to me. That was very memorable. I grabbed the cat, swung it by it's tail and it said,"Ouch." So I didn't do that ever again. The End.


Oh geez. I crack myself up sometimes.