That's kind of sad...

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 40%

Envy: 20%

Pride: 20%

Wrath: 20%

Gluttony: 0%

Greed: 0%

Lust: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You will die while sleeping - and no one will notice.

How Sinful Are You?

Top Five Things NOT To Do With A Razor

1. Shave without water.
2. Put a razor without a lid back into the package.
3. Forget that there is a razor in the package that is not properly lidded(because you disregarded rule number 2). You may slice the tip of your finger off when reaching in to get a razor that you think is safe, but is, in fact, not safe as it is not lidded.
4. When putting the lid on a razor hold the lid against yourself so that you miss the lid and end up slicing your stomach open. I have not done this one, but I thought I would include it for safety's sake.
5. Hold the lid in your hand and bring the razor to the lid and watch the razor slip and slice deep into your fingernail and the skin underneath it because you are too much of a spaz to do things calmly and reasonably*.









*If you are dumb enough to cut yourself please try to refrain from cutting yourself twice in less than a week**.






**Especially on opposing fingers of each hand. If you do this I'm sure it will be very difficult to wash your hair and dig in your pockets for change.

My sisters-the artists

I was sitting on my bed last night writing in my journal about the events of the yester day when my sisters entered my room and proceded to make a gigantic mess out of gel pens and paper scraps. They protested when I told them to get their stuff picked up and cart it off to their room. They did not do what I had nicely and calmy asked of them. Instead they proceded to make a mess of me. That's what I get for wearing shorts, I guess.
My sisters would be excellent tattoo artists. They drew all kinds of pictures all over my legs. I was in too much of a euphoric state to protest. Now my legs look...I don't even know a word to describe it. Interesting? I have houses and cats and poop (yes, poop) drawn on my thighs and calves with sparkly gel pens. The thing about gel pens is that they take several washes to clean off skin. I guess that's why they don't show children drawing on their arms and legs on the box, but rather paper and stuff like that.
Now I can't wear shorts or skirts for a month. Gr.

A silly poem

I sent in a poem to poetry.com and it was selected to be published in the book along with 700 bazillion others. How cool is that?! The poem sucks, though. It really does.


Losing My Best Friend
Here I am, all alone,
Lost, forgotten, without a home.
Why did you leave me?
Don't you care?
I was always there
for you, through all the pain,
through all the shameI stood by your side.
You left me all alone,
Cold, friendless, without a home.

Michelle Hill
Copyright ©2005 Michelle Hill

Darth Vader

The funniest thing happened today. One of our co-workers called work and the other girl answered the phone. This is what I heard:
"[the place that we work], how can I help you?...This is [the other girl]......Is this [one of our co-workers]? Oh hi!...What? .....Darth Vader? (*giggle, giggle*) I don't know..." she then covered the mouthpiece on the phone and asked me (when she could finally catch her breath between ),"Has anyone dropped off Darth Vader?"
"What?!" Then I started laughing and we were both laughing so hard we couldn't breathe and our eyes were watering. I said,"Not that I know of..."as soon as I was composed enough to speak.
"No,"she said when she got back on the phone,"He's not here, yet." OH MY GOSH!! THAT WAS SO FUNNY!!!
Then after she hung up we started talking about what she should have done. "Wouldn't it have been funny if I paged for Darth Vader over the intercom:'Darth Vader to the front desk, please. DARTH VADER?'"
Then I said he would show up and he'd be like"...I am your father.*deep breaths*"
Then we'd have to page Luke Skywalker to the desk just to see if everyone in the workplace was awake. "Luke Skywalker, please come to the front desk. You're father is here. LUKE SKYWALKER TO THE FRONT DESK PLEASE."
Oh that was hilarious. Second best part of my day.

My Thoughts on Exercise (vol.3)

EXERCISE IS FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

VOTE FOR PEDRO!!!!

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My Thoughts on Exercise (vol.2)

EXERCISE IS DANGEROUS!!!!!!*





*Do not attempt to do chin-ups in a rusty old barn (okay, fine, a wooden gazebo at the library) because every one out of three times you will sustain a serious injury to the forehead by a poorly-driven nail. It hurts very much when a nail punctures you in the forehead(not that I would know...I'm only guessing here-- just trying to help my loyal readers). The effect that a tetanus stick, such as a nail, has on one's forehead is indeed not a pleasant one. The forehead swells to three times its normal size and turns into a bloody and green oozy mass and eventually bruises and is a lovely purple color, but unfortunately for people who like the color purple: skin is not meant to be purple and the effect is rather grotesque.

My thoughts on exercise

EXERCISE IS HARD!!!!!!

A silly fear

I was watching "Rose Red" the other day and I was suddenly reminded of a memory long forgotten. It was at the part where they first walked into the mirror library. I told my family,"There's no way I could handle that." See, I've always been afraid of mirrors. I don't know why, but I have vivid memories of myself sitting in fromt of a mirror, looking into it and seeing myself, but was it really myself? I could see what was behind me but it was reversed in the mirror. It scared me for some reason.
I always used to fear being sucked into the mirror. When we first moved into this house I had an old mirror propped against the wall. It was kind of slanted, not standing up straight. Maybe that's what scared me. I remember sitting in front of the mirror for hours at a time, paralyzed with fear. I was afraid to move. I might get sucked in.
I told Mom and Dad while we were watching the movie and they said,"Why didn't you ever tell us? We could have taken it out." Duh. I guess I never thought of that.
There was another reason I was afraid of mirrors. Have you ever heard that "Bloody Mary" thing? Well, one of my "friends," when I was about 7 told me that if you went to a mirror in a dark room and said,"Bloody Mary, I have your baby" seven times then the virgin Mary would pop out of the mirror and scratch your eyes out. That traumatized me for life. I would still have believed him even if he didn't add that he knew someone who did it and got their eyes scratched out. I was always too trusting for my own good.
The strange thing is that my fear of mirrors started way before that. I can remember when I was in Arizona and I was afraid of mirrors then, too. I don't know how old I was when we left, but I was pretty young. Probably less than 3 years old.
I'm okay with mirrors now. Up until I was 18 I couldn't be in a dark room that had a mirror. Now I can. I guess I'm cured.
Isn't it funny how memories just pop into your head like that?

My New Alarm Clock

I cannot believe this. I am up and actually doing something and it's not even 9 yet. This never happens to me! It's a Christmas miracle! Did you know that you don't have to use an alarm clock if you know someone named Thomas? It's true. He is an alarm clock. Yeah, he looks kinda funny, too, cuz he's still a person. He's like an alarm clock/person. Strangest thing I've ever seen. Buttons and dials everywhere...
You can set him to go beep beep or you can set him to play the radio, though his musical selections are limited to *gasp* country. Or you can set him to just speak. He says,"Are you awake? Are you up? Are you sure?" He says it really loud, too. I wonder if he has a volume knob...
The Thomas Alarm System is a very handy one, indeed. You know on the mornings when you don't feel like getting out of bed because, well, you just don't feel like getting out of bed? Well, just activate your Thomas Alarm and it will wake you right up. The Thomas Alarm comes with built-in features like ANNOYING THE HELL OUT OF SOMEONE and MAKING SOMEONE VIOLENTLY ANGRY. It works, I tell you. I couldn't possibly roll over and go back ot sleep after that. I will tell you, however, it gave me violent tendencies when I used the Thomas alarm this morning. I was prepared to go down to the Thomas Alarm station and kick the crap out of the guy who owns this wonderful franchise. I didn't, but I wanted to. I guess that is just part of the Thomas Alarm System's ingenius. I mean, violent tendencies will wake you right up.
In conclusion, if you're looking for a new alarm clock because you sleep through the radio and/or the beeping, you should try a Thomas Alram. It's free too. That's the most important part. FREE!! Plus, he'll even throw in some free Skittles to sweeten the deal (get it? Sweeten the deal? I kill myself sometimes... lol). So, look no further friends. Visit no more Super Wal-Marts in search of that fancy alarm clock that plays cd's and chews your food. Just call up your friendly neighborhood Thomas and he'll wake you right up.

SO THERE

Did you ever notice how some people are so full of themselves that they have to make fun of you and your verbal inconsistencies (ooh... big word) just to make them feel better about themselves? Well, I notice that. Yep. So what if I can't think of what century we're living in and I say "We're living in the...um...2000's now, so get with it." Well...that's what you would have said in the 90's. So there. So I don't have a way with spoken words, but I can write, dammit (insert another "so there")!
So what if I'm not a walking calculator as my mother is prone to saying. Do you really have to test my abilities by asking me questions over the phone when I can't even see the freaking book? Do you? Then what happens? The question-asking person looks like a genius and I look like an idiot. I must point out that if I had the book in front of me I would blow said genius clear out of the water. So there.

I have been in a writing rut lately. I still write in my journal every day but anything else just seems like too much work. So I would like to apologoze to my loyal fans (yep, both of you). Sorry.

I have been thinking lately about how nice it would be to just go somewhere far away and be anonymous. I want to travel and see the world. It would be so nice to just be able to hop into my car and drive wherever my heart desires. There are, of course, a few problems with that.
(1) I don't have a car.
(2) I don't have a driver's license, so even if I did have a car I couldn't go anywhere legally.
(3) My parents would never allow that.
(4) I couldn't leave all this. (insert manical laughter)